如果给一年四季排个序，我最喜欢的是春天，其次是冬天和秋天，最不喜欢的是夏天。
似乎和原产地有关，我在极度寒冷的天气下适应良好，零下二三十度毫无问题，但实在不太耐热。尤其是这几年在欧洲，经常要面临三十多度没有空调的日子，无处躲藏，夜不能寐。所以这些年养成了夏天就要去海边的习惯，虽然海边的太阳可能会更晒一些，至少泡在海水里面是舒服的。
虽然我最喜欢的是春天，但每年最痛苦的日子，却在三月。
总有人说冬天是抑郁症的高发期。确实，冬季由于日照时间减少、天气寒冷等因素，可能会导致一些人出现情绪低落的情况，这种现象被称为季节性情感障碍（Seasonal Affective Disorder，简称SAD）。欧洲尤其是北欧这边，冬天总是灰蒙蒙的，见不到阳光，似乎怎么睡也总是睡不够，确实很SAD。很多人都会在冬季补充维生素D，或者跑去南部地区度假晒晒太阳，缓解一下情绪和神经系统功能。
但我好像在冬天适应的还不错，该吃肉就吃肉，该冬眠就冬眠。遵从动物本能，不去强行让自己精神振作起来。尤其是刚刚过去的这个冬天，腾出了更多的时间写写东西，织织毛衣，基本上算是自得其乐。年底忙完，一口气从圣诞节，放假，吃吃喝喝，到开年，然后接着过年，出差，很快很快一晃眼就到了三月，然后就觉得这口气提不上来了。
顺便回忆了一下往年的三月，差不多每年都是到二月底三月这个时期开始异常难受，生理上和心理上双重难受。抑郁，焦虑，明显的躯体化，比如整个人很恍惚，困倦乏力，腰酸背痛，总是想暴饮暴食，嗜睡加偶尔失眠，记忆力下降，偏头痛，有时候还能赶上过敏性鼻炎。最难受的时候会延续到四五月，好一点的时候就会在四月中旬结束。
为什么呢？我也仔细琢磨过。
总结：大概是因为本身的状态赶不上外界的变化从而产生的不协调感。
说人话的版本：自然界的变化是很迅速的，惊蛰，春分，一场连着一场的春雨，枝头上的花仿佛一周之内都开了，白天一天比一天长，夜晚一天比一天暖。于是我看见这世界醒了，想迈开大步跟上，但第一步就没抬起来，腿不知道怎的有点软。为什么呢，因为一个冬天刚刚过去，运动能力也下降了，人也胖了，脑子也还在比较缓慢的状态。无论从心理上还是生理上讲，我依然置身于荒原之上，大雪虽然消融了，但原野依然空无一物，天地之间只剩下毫无意义的灰色和黄色，甚至还不如大雪覆盖的时候看着舒服。
这种感觉会比真正的冬天更让人绝望。因为冬天的一切抑郁都是有正当理由的，是大家都要面对的，甚至有专业名词来解释冬天的抑郁。但是春天到了，这该死的春天到了，季节性情感障碍这种理由也用不上了，人们有多期望自己可以摆脱抑郁的状态，就有多么焦虑。是不是很讽刺？
更好笑的是，因为一个冬天单调无聊的饮食，三月四月看见新鲜蔬果上市后，食欲也会增加。对，本来就有点胖，但是最近吃的更多了，于是步伐就更加臃肿缓慢，最后也就更加嫌弃自己。整个一个恶性循环。
三月在法语中是Mars，源自古罗马战神的名字，对于我来说加重了那种“要么战要么死”的荒谬感。熬过去了，今年又是美好的一年，熬不过去，就消逝于无尽的荒芜之中。
一雷惊蛰始，我却不知从何开始。大概就是这样的一个问题。
既然是每年都要面临的问题，那逐渐也摸索出了解决或者说缓解的办法。
1.做具体的事情。看书看剧这种不算，要做具体有输出的事情，比如整理房间，比如拍拍照片，比如处理一些拖了很久的事情。无论是整理房间还是整理生活都是很正能量的事情，哪怕只做一点点，也可以改善一点点，让自己舒服多一点点。所以想到就做很重要，而做的是否完美并不重要。
2.户外运动。走路跑步都可以，逛逛公园也不错，总而言之要出门，要增加运动量，养成新的肌肉记忆。心动不如行动，写到这儿先门骑个车。
骑回来继续，趁着太阳没落山之前骑了一个小时多一点。家门口的路修好了，新修的自行车道要比原来宽，更好骑了。
这大概就是出门的意义，虽然在家也可以运动，但是出门总会有新鲜事，总会有不断更新的生活细节，来吸引你的注意力，让冬眠的大脑逐渐运转起来。也许是遇见新的小母猫，也许是鸟屎砸在车把上，总而言之，成千上万的细节堆砌起来，就像是在断壁残垣中一点点盖起一座新的小房子。
3.减少社交（仅限I人）。有些时候社交反而会增加焦虑，尤其是在本身状态就不是特别好的时候。这个感觉怎么描述呢，就好像周围的人都在享受着公园里的午后阳光，大家微笑交谈，猫猫狗狗嬉戏欢闹，而你却觉得不知为何就是喘不上气。适当减少社交可以减少来自外界的因素，当个人状态调整后再逐渐回归正常即可。
过了十二点，今天是三月的最后一天，明天就是四月份了。
祝大家生日快乐，吃好喝好。
If I were to rank the four seasons, my favorite is spring, followed by winter and autumn, and my least favorite is summer.
It seems to be related to my origin; I adapt well to extremely cold weather, having no problem with temperatures below -20 or -30 degrees Celsius, but I’m really not heat-tolerant. Especially in Europe these years, I’ve often faced days with temperatures over 30 degrees Celsius without air conditioning, nowhere to hide, and sleepless nights. So, over the years, I’ve developed a habit of going to the seaside in the summer. Although the sun might be stronger there, at least soaking in the sea water is comfortable.
Although my favorite season is spring, the most painful days of the year are actually in March.
People often say that winter is a peak season for depression. Indeed, due to reduced daylight hours and cold weather in winter, some people may experience low mood, a phenomenon known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). In Europe, especially in Northern Europe, winters are often gloomy and lack sunshine, making it seem like you can never get enough sleep—it certainly feels SAD. Many people supplement with Vitamin D in winter or go on vacation to the south to have the sun and improve their mood and nervous system function.
But I seem to have adapted quite well to winter. I ate meat when I wanted and hibernated when I wanted. I followed my animal instincts and didn’t force myself to be energetic. Especially this winter, I had more time to write and knit, and I was basically quite content. After the busy end of the year, from Christmas, the holidays, eating and drinking, to the start of the new year, then the New Year celebrations, business trips, and before I knew it, it was March, and then I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath all in sudden.
I recalled in previous years, and almost every year around the end of February or March, I started to feel extremely uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. Depression, anxiety, obvious somatization—for example, feeling dazed, tired and weak, back pain, constant urge to overeat, excessive sleepiness plus occasional insomnia, memory loss, migraines, and sometimes even allergic rhinitis. The worst period lasted until April or May, and it would get better by mid-April.
Why is that? I’ve thought about it carefully. In summary: the feeling of disharmony likely stems from my own state of being unable to keep up with the changes in the external world.
Nature changes rapidly—the awakening of insects, the spring smell, a series of spring rains, flowers seemingly blooming on branches all within a week, days getting longer, nights warmer. So I see the world awakening, wanting to take big strides to keep up, but I can’t even lift my first step; my legs feel weak for some reason. Why? Because winter has just passed, my physical abilities have declined, I’ve gained weight, and my mind is still relatively slow. Both psychologically and physiologically, I still feel like I’m in a wasteland. The snow has melted, but the fields remain empty, only meaningless gray and yellow remain between sky and earth—it’s even less pleasant than when it was covered in snow.
This feeling is more despairing than actual winter. Because all the depression in winter has a legitimate reason; it’s something everyone has to face, and there are even professional terms to explain winter depression. But spring has arrived, that fxxking spring has arrived, and the excuse of seasonal affective disorder is no longer applicable. The more people desperately want to escape their depressive state, the more anxious they become. Isn’t that ironic?
Even more ridiculous is that after a winter of monotonous and boring eating, seeing fresh fruits and vegetables in March and April increases my appetite. Yes, I was already a little overweight, but lately I’ve been eating even more, so my movements have become even more bloated and slow. It’s a vicious cycle.
March in French is mars, derived from the name of the ancient Roman god of war, which for me amplifies that absurd feeling of “fight or die.” If I get through it, this year will be another beautiful year; if I don’t, I’ll vanish into endless desolation.
The first thunder of spring begins, but I don’t know where to start. That’s roughly the problem.
Since it’s a problem I face every year, I’ve gradually figured out ways to solve or alleviate it.
- Do concrete things. Reading and watching TV don’t count; you need to do concrete, output-oriented activities, like tidying your room, taking photos, or catching up on long-overdue tasks. Whether it’s tidying your room or organizing your life, these are all positive activities. Even doing just a little can improve things a little and make you feel a little more comfortable. So, it’s important to do it as soon as you think of it; whether it’s perfect or not isn’t important.
- Outdoor exercise. Cycling, running, or even just walk around in the park are all good options. The point is to get out of the house, increase your physical activity, and develop new muscle memory. Let’s take action! I’ll go for a bike ride now.
(1hour later) I rode back and continued, spending a little over an hour before sunset. The road near my house has been repaired; the new bike path is wider and easier to ride.
This is probably the meaning of going out. Although you can exercise at home, going out always brings new things and constantly updated details of life to attract your attention and gradually get your dormant brain working again. Perhaps it’s meeting a new kitten, or maybe bird droppings on the handlebars; in short, thousands of details pile up, like building a new little house bit by bit.
- Reduce social interaction (only for introverts). Sometimes social interaction can actually increase anxiety, especially when you’re not feeling particularly well to begin with. How to describe this feeling? It’s like everyone around you is enjoying the afternoon sun in the park, smiling and chatting, cats and dogs playing happily, while you feel inexplicably breathless. Appropriately reducing social interaction can reduce external factors; you can gradually return to normal once your personal state adjusts.
It’s past midnight; today is the last day of March, and tomorrow is April.
Happy birthday everyone! Eat and drink well.